This part of my life, is called addiction. Addiction is so overwhelming that you don't realize you got addicted. I felt anxiety and depression after "using" but my mind kept on wanting more. This sounds kinda crazy, but I didn't know I got addicted until recently. It's kinda crazy when you think it's okay but deep inside of you, things already went out of order. It's overwhelming and I lost it.
I'm not addicted to smoking, drugs, alcohol or anything like that. What I'm addicted is my curiosity towards certain things; unpleasant things, awful things and mind-disturbing things. It's nothing useful to my life and it damages the brain. It's okay if you can filter the information and continue to life your life but it's not as easy as I thought. I thought I could at first, but I couldn't. I felt depressed and down. My mind went from positive to negative and it's too unhealthy to me physically and mentally.
It was kinda interesting at first and I started sharing them with my friends. Well, you wanna' share about the stuffs that you found out and you're tempted to discuss it among your friends. I thought it was fun and adventurous. I never thought that it could be so painful and mind-disturbing. It's okay when I started researching, but when sadness and fear kicks in, everything started to fall apart.
I wake up moody, depressed and life seems dull and twisted. All the negative kicks in and I can't see anything positive in my life. Light started to dim and I couldn't crawl out of this vicious hole. It's threatening and I felt instability. Fortunately, I'm glad that I wasn't too late to realize that I was trapped in that nightmare.
It sounds crazy but I really don't know how to put those emotions and feelings into words. I hope it helps by saying out what I have gone through. I promise, I'll control the information that I take and avoid as much as I can.